Posts
Opposite Sex (2014)
9 years ago
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Seinfeld Quotes
What the hell were they doing with a car on the moon?
You are on the moon already. Isn't that far enough?
You are on the moon already. Isn't that far enough?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Dr House Quotes
HOUSE: Are you a doctor?
JANE: I’m eleven…
HOUSE: That’s not an answer. It’s an evasion.
JANE: I’m eleven…
HOUSE: That’s not an answer. It’s an evasion.
Dr House Quotes
No, I called her mom a slut. Jumps anything with a pole and a pulse. Not that I’m judging here.
Dr House Quotes
"Saying there appears to be some clotting is like saying there's a traffic jam ahead. Is it a
ten-car pile up, or just a really slow bus in the center lane? And if it is a bus, is that bus thrombotic or embolic? I think I pushed the metaphor too far."
ten-car pile up, or just a really slow bus in the center lane? And if it is a bus, is that bus thrombotic or embolic? I think I pushed the metaphor too far."
Dr House Quotes
"Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person and nothing pisses off a person more than being shoved in the wrong pigeon hole."
Dr House Quotes
"You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a— I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor."
Dr House Quotes
"There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function."
Dr House Quotes
"And humility is an important quality. Especially if you're wrong a lot.... Of course, when you're right, self-doubt doesn't help anybody, does it?"
Dr House Quotes
"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is --- in fact --- a Great Wall of China
with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."
with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."
Dr House Quotes
"Men are pigs. [They will] pretty much have sex with anyone, fat, skinny, married, single,
complete strangers, relatives."
complete strangers, relatives."
Dr House Quotes
"You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat."
Dr House Quotes
"I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask."
Dr House Quotes
"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what."
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Funniest Seinfeld Quotes - The Chinese Restaurant
“Ya know, I don’t get it. I’m not allowed to ask a Chinese person where a Chinese restaurant is? Aren’t we all getting a little too sensitive? If somebody asks me which way is Israel, I don’t fly off the handle.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Seinfeld - s05e10
Jerry Seinfeld - Seinfeld - s05e10
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
The Chinese Restaurant - Seinfeld Quotes
KRAMER: It's three blocks further. You can use my shopping cart..
JERRY: I'm not pulling a shopping cart. What am I suppose to wear? A kerchief? Put stockings on and roll 'em down below my knee?
JERRY: I'm not pulling a shopping cart. What am I suppose to wear? A kerchief? Put stockings on and roll 'em down below my knee?
Seinfeld Quotes
GEORGE: I don't know. Last time I got the tap.
JERRY: You got the tap?
GEORGE: You know, you're going along, you think everything's all right and all of a sudden you get that tap. (George taps his own shoulder). You know it's like pfffff (whistling sound), all right that's enough, you're through.
JERRY: You got the tap?
GEORGE: You know, you're going along, you think everything's all right and all of a sudden you get that tap. (George taps his own shoulder). You know it's like pfffff (whistling sound), all right that's enough, you're through.
Seinfeld Quotes
GEORGE: Are you sure that's the decaf? Where's the orange indicator?
WAITRESS: It's missing. I have to do it in my head. Decaf left, regular right. Decaf left, regular right. It's very challenging work.
WAITRESS: It's missing. I have to do it in my head. Decaf left, regular right. Decaf left, regular right. It's very challenging work.
Seinfeld Quotes
JERRY: He's always grabbing my arm when he talks to me. I guess it's because so many people have left in the middle of his conversation.
Seinfeld Quotes
GEORGE: I always get the feeling that when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking, "That’s why I’m not a heterosexual."
Seinfeld Quotes
JERRY: I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings.
Seinfeld Quotes
JERRY: I don't know why you're interested in this guy. He's a jerk.
ELAINE: Because he doesn't pay any attention to me, and he ignores me.
JERRY: Yeah, so?
ELAINE: I respect that.
ELAINE: Because he doesn't pay any attention to me, and he ignores me.
JERRY: Yeah, so?
ELAINE: I respect that.
Seinfeld Quotes
ELAINE: Is it a problem that I'm not really religious?
PUDDY: Not for me.
ELAINE: Why not?
PUDDY: I'm not the one going to hell.
PUDDY: Not for me.
ELAINE: Why not?
PUDDY: I'm not the one going to hell.
Seinfeld Quotes
GEORGE: I love a good nap. Sometimes it's the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.
Seinfeld Quotes
ELAINE: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
JERRY: I went out with you.
ELAINE: That's because my standards are too low.
JERRY: I went out with you.
ELAINE: That's because my standards are too low.
The Chinese Restaurant - Seinfeld Quotes
Elaine: Should I do it, George?
George: For 50 bucks? I'd put my face in the soup and blow.
George: For 50 bucks? I'd put my face in the soup and blow.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sex and The City Quotes
Samantha: He's obviously here because he felt something.
Carrie: Can you call me from a cab and tell me that?
Carrie: Can you call me from a cab and tell me that?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sex and The City Quotes
Miranda: Take a good look at my face, because at my funeral, there'll only be half of it.I'll be dead and my cat will be happy.
Sex and The City Quotes
Carrie: Every couple of years, an article like this surfaces......as a cautionary tale to scare young women into marriage. I'm a cautionary tale? Shoot me.
Sex and The City Quotes
Carry: (reading Single and Fabulous?") Single was fun at 20. But you wanna ask these women:"'How fun will all night club hopping be at 40?"'
Miranda: Who's out all night?
Samantha: Who's 40?
Miranda: Who's out all night?
Samantha: Who's 40?
Sex and The City Quotes
Carrie: Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us......and kiss our three heads and make it all better.
Sex and The City Quotes
Miranda: We spend our life trying to hide the fat in our ass and you're putting it right on your face?
Sex and The City Quotes
Miranda: If a man is over 30 and single, there's something wrong with him.It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out from propagating the species.
Carrie: What about us?
Miranda: We're just choosey.
Carrie: What about us?
Miranda: We're just choosey.
Sex and The City Quotes
Samantha: I do have a prior record of driving men a little crazy.
Harrison: You fit the profile. Most sexual harassment cases are brought by older women.
Samantha: I'm sorry?
Harrison: You fit the profile. Most sexual harassment cases are brought by older women.
Samantha: I'm sorry?
Sex and The City Quotes
Carrie: I couldn't believe it. I had just invited my ex and his date to my birthday party.As if getting older wasn't traumatic enough.
Sex and The City Quotes
Charlotte: No, I just think in an intimate relationship...you should be able to say anything.
Samantha: I would highly disagree. Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies......and mutually accepted delusion.
Samantha: I would highly disagree. Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies......and mutually accepted delusion.
Sex and The City Quotes
Carrie: When you're dating someone new, everything can seem foreign. Especially when you're dating someone foreign.
Sex and The City Quotes
Samantha: A group of guys not resembling the Elephant Man got on. They are having a bachelor party in the bar car. Get dressed.
Sex and The City Quotes
Bitsy to Bobby Fine: Except the dessert. The top layer of the crème brûlée wasn't hard enough.
Stanford to Marcus: That's the problem with this wedding. The crème brûlée isn't hard enough.
Stanford to Marcus: That's the problem with this wedding. The crème brûlée isn't hard enough.
Sex and The City Quotes
Carry: Evidently, people who borrow glass houses shouldn't throw cantaloupes.
Sex and The City Quotes
Charlotte: Your back! You must have had a bad reaction to the waxing.
Harry: l thought it felt a little itchy. Suddenly a little hair isn't so bad.
Harry: l thought it felt a little itchy. Suddenly a little hair isn't so bad.
Sex and The City Quotes
Charlotte: Why are you wearing that shirt? Tropical shirts are out.
Harry: This is not tropical. lt's Tiki.
Charlotte: Please Tiki it off.
Harry: This is not tropical. lt's Tiki.
Charlotte: Please Tiki it off.
Sex and The City Quotes
Carrie on the phone with Miranda: lf this thing hasn't started to deflate by Colorado, l'm not calling Big.
(Samantha goes in looking like a mess from spending too much time on the train)
Carrie to Miranda: Wait. Someone who used to be Samantha just came in.
(Samantha goes in looking like a mess from spending too much time on the train)
Carrie to Miranda: Wait. Someone who used to be Samantha just came in.
Sex and The City Quotes
Carrie: After two months, despite all his sweetness and charm, Samantha still hadn´t quite accepted James´ ... shortcomings...
Sex and The City Quotes
Charlotte: You won´t be alone. Paul and I will be there.
Carrie: You and me and your new boyfriend. That`s about as alone as you can get. Not going.
Carrie: You and me and your new boyfriend. That`s about as alone as you can get. Not going.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Sex and The City Quotes
Charlotte: I read it in a magazine.
Miranda: What magazine? Convenient Theories for You Monthly?
Miranda: What magazine? Convenient Theories for You Monthly?
Sex and The City Quotes
Woman on street: They say the average 33-year-old woman has sex 3.5 times a week? -- I'd like to know who that woman is.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Jokes
An alsatian went to a telegram office and wrote: Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.
The clerk examined the paper and told the dog: There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price.
But, the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all.
The clerk examined the paper and told the dog: There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price.
But, the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all.
Jokes
Texan: Where are you from?
Harvard graduate: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions. Texan: Ok, where are you from, jackass?
Harvard graduate: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions. Texan: Ok, where are you from, jackass?
Fact of Laugh of the Day
Gags work because they make us feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of difficult situations, or surprise us with incongruity.
Jokes
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Jokes
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Fact of Laugh of the Day
Women’s humor is cooperative, inclusive, supportive, integrated, spontaneous, and self-healing, while men’s humor is exclusive, challenging, segmented, pre-formulated, and self-aggrandizing.
Groucho Marx Quotes
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.
Groucho Marx Quotes
Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
South Park Quote
Eric Cartman: Well, I looked in my mom's closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Sex and The City Quotes
Miranda: No, he's not sick. He's not hungry, he's not teething, he just wants to scream. I'm doing everything I can but I can't please him. If he was 35 this is when we would break up.
Fact of Laugh of the Day
When we laugh our brain releases the body´s natural painkillers, endorphines, counteracting stress and producing a general state of well-being.
Fact of Laugh of the Day
The older we become, the less we laugh. A child laughs an average of 400 times a day, an adult laughs an average of 15. Count your laughs!
Fact of Laugh of the Day
Women laugh at men they are attracted to and men are attracted to women who laugh at them.
Fact of Laugh of the Day
Laughter has less to do with jokes and more with building relationships and bonding.
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